I picture my grief as waves.
In the early stages of grief, the waves pummeled me in rapid succession. One forceful blow after another. The crushing waves drug me under & stole my breath. I bawled & wailed. There was little to no reprieve. Everything was a trigger. I thought I wouldn’t survive these breakdowns.
I had to learn to expect and accept the waves. Expect their return, because they are surely coming again. Accept their timing, because it is not under my control.
I knew I couldn’t escape the pain. There was no healthy way to outrun it, numb it or avoid it. I had to be present for it. I slowly began healing by feeling my feelings.
It’s been three years since my husband died. It feels like yesterday and a lifetime ago. Grief no longer demands all of my attention. The waves still come, but the space between the waves has lengthened. The intensity of the waves has diminished. The water has calmed. Enduring the waves has made me stronger. I now know I can and will survive them. I began to rebuild and live my life between the waves.
If you think you aren’t strong enough to bear the weight of your loss, I hope this encourages you to take another deep breath, one at a time, and keep going. If you feel compelled, please reach out to me.
Below is a meditation visual I use to face my feelings and breathe my way through them: